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When your over 60.

P peterfenlonMember
I was standing in a bar one evening minding my own business, a really ugly chick came up behind me and grabbed my behind and said "your kinda cute, you got a phone number"
I said "you got a pen".
she said "yes I gotta pen"

I said "you better get back in it before the farmer misses you"

cost me 6 stitches but when your over 60 who cares.


Cowboy

"Give me 3 packets of condoms please"

Lady cashier

"Do you need a paper bag with that sir?"

Cowboy.

" Nah she's purty good looking"

When your over 60 who cares...............


I was talking to a young woman in a bar last night.

she said "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your hair cut you would be all right.

I said "If I did that I would be talking to those girls over there instead of you".

cost me a fat lip but when your over 60...........who cares.


I was explaining to a woman in the pub after a few beers about my ability to guess what day a woman was born, by fondling her breasts.

Really she said, "Go on then try"

after about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "come on then when was I born?"

I said yesterday!


cost me a kick, but when your over 60 who cares....................


I got cought taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted so loud at me I nearly fell in.

Cost me a fat lip but when your over 60 who cares..........................


I went to the pub last night, saw a BIG woman dancing on the table, "nice Legs I said"

The woman giggled and said "do you really think so?"

Definitely I replied , most tables would have collapsed by now.

All the above stolen from the UK's Triumph TR forum, sent in by "Little Jim" from Australia.
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dougmdougmMember
After being married for 55 years this month, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty-five years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa-bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But hey I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now ... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 77-year-old woman. So I said to my wife "it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Doug M
rockyrockyMember
This guy was sitting in his living room, watching a movie, and there was creepy organ music playing.

He yelled out "Don't going to the church, you stupid idiot!"

His wife yelled in from the kitchen "What are you watching???"

He replied "Our Wedding Video!"

********

My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerated.

I was so shocked, I nearly tripped over my own cock!
Last edited by rocky
P peterfenlonMember
A widow and widower were in the pub at their usual over 60's night out, when a friend said, "its about time you two got married"

They discussed the pro's and cons of the matter and after a while, the widower asked the widow if she still liked sex.

Yes she replied, as long as its infrequently.

A moment passed before the widower said,
"Darling is that one word or two"
cuveecuveeMember
Monday morning the Boss comes in to work with two black eyes! His Secretary asks what the hell happened to you? So the Boss tells her, oh I got these in Church!

The secretary says, yeah right! No really he says, you know yesterday was really hot, so while in church, you know the Minster has you stand then kneel then stand then sit then stand again, well there was this rather large lady in front of me and when she stood up her dress was kinda stuck in her butt! I thought that had to be uncomfortable so I give her dress a little tug, you know to help her out! That's when she smacked me in my right eye! So I figured she must like it that way...so I tucked it right back in for her!

Ya try to be a nice guy and look what it gets you!
George PGeorge PAdmin.
An elderly couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. She was 71, and he was 75. Over the years their long marriage and domestic tranquility had become the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple"

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America; we visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horseback. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once"."

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. For a second time she looked down at that horse and quietly said, "That's twice"."

"We hadn't journeyed a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife dismounted, quietly removed a revolver from her purse, and shot the horse dead."

I shouted at her, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN! WHY DID YOU SHOOT THE POOR ANIMAL LIKE THAT? ARE YOU CRAZY"!?"

"She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once"."

"And from that moment we have lived happily every after."
jfb05177jfb05177Member
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies. You'll feel like 40 again!"

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it over there with a half dozen loaves still on it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want all six loaves."

She said, "Are you having a gathering?

He said "No, they are just for me."

She said "My goodness, six loaves! You realize that by the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard as a rock."

He replied, "I can't believe it. Everybody knows about this shit but me."
goo9egoo9eMember
A little boy asks his father "what is politics?" Dad says, well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister. Your mother is the government. We are here to care for YOUR needs, so we will call you the people. The nanny, we consider her the working class and your baby brother, we will call him the future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parents room & find his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole & sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed, the next morning, the little boy says to his father, dad I think I understand the concept of politics now. The father says good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about. The little boy replies, the Prime Minister is screwing the working class, while the Government is fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.

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