It appears that Michelin was serious about their Pilot Sport PS2s not being safe below 5 degrees C in the rain; once they let go, they do not regain traction. End result in my case was a trip into the concrete highway median divider.
The car sustained some sheet metal damage and broken suspension parts on the right side. Both doors are untouched and work normally, so the damage is most likely just cosmetic, but I will know better early next week after the car undergoes a detailed inspection.
I think I now know how someone feels when they see one of their fingers lying on the bandsaw...
