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Reply to "My biggest Fans..."

quote:
of course ina socialist country the cop probably gets hazard pay for showing up to court.

In the socialist republik of Kalifornia, they do get paid for showing up - they get either overtime pay, 4 hours pay at minimum, or a combination of both. I don't recall what the exact package was that my CHP friend told me he gets, but they are given monetary incentive to show up.

Another friend who's a cop once recommended that I request a "trial by declaration" because there is no additional incentive for the officer to spend the extra time writing his declaration. And quite frankly, after a long day riding around in the patrol car and completing his daily reports and associated paperwork, he usually doesn't feel like then having to write a declaration for the traffic court (unless of course you were an asshole toward him when he did his job and pulled you over). And, if you don't get the outcome you wanted from the trial by declaration, you may then request a trial.

Reminds me of the last time I was stopped for speeding:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Me: I don't have one. It was suspended when I got caught driving Drunk.

Officer: May I see the logbook and insurance for this vehicle?

Me: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Me: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Me: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk?!?!?

Me: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. My car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Me: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid.)

Captain: Who's car is this?

Me: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration and insurance. (I owned the car.)

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Me: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. (Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.)

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Me: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body.)

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Me: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
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