You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further
ado, here are the 2010 Darwin Award Winners
*Eighth Place-
*In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
*Seventh Place*-
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran",
Accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
*Sixth Place-
*While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
*Fifth Place-
*Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of
his skull as he hit the floor.
**
*Fourth Place*-
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and
pull the trigger. *[What? And all he got for THIS was....4th place?]*
*Third Place*-
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into 'H&J Leather & Firearms' intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up
and fired a few shots in the air from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
Paramedics. Crime scene investigators *located 47 expended cartridge*
cases in the shop. The subsequent *autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.*
Ballistics *identified rounds from 7 different weapons*. No one else was hurt.
*HONORABLE MENTION*
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to
see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was
closed.
*RUNNER UP*
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint
of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and
then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen..
Bingham's foot was never located.
*AND THE WINNER IS....
*Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema *when the relieved beast unloaded*. The sheer
force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to
the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant *continued to
evacuate 200 pounds* of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens."
It always seems fitting to thank these people for unwittingly removing themselves from the gene pool
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