raise yer mugs o'beer and sing along mates:
CHOLESTEROL
(Adam McNaughtan)
I’ve been taking advice on the right things to eat since shortly before I was born
From the National dried milk and the cod liver oil to powdered rhinoceros horn
In these days they tell us to lay off the starches the sugar, potatoes and bread
Now they’ve done a U-turn, tell us bread and potatoes will give us the fiber we need
So I’ve made up my mind that the menu’s designed by the experts just only for me
No trained dietitian or general practitioner dictates what I’ll have for my tea
Brown bread with the low fat please thinly spread on May be healthier than a meat pie
But who wants to grow old eating St. Ivel Gold I’d would rather taste butter and die
Chorus:
Cholesterol, Cholesterol—My chance of surviving is small
But I’ll not get a dose of Anorexia Nervosa Cause I love my cholesterol
Now the thing that has brought this affair to a head is a good-hearted Hatfield campaign
I just said ‘What’s that?’ and the doc had his needle Sucking blood out of my handiest vein
Two weeks later they measured my height and my weight and took my blood pressure & all
The computer said ‘Mate, to survive at your weight you would need to be seven feet tall’
But I’m not going to take the suggestions they’re make about changing the food that I eat
Cutting out cheese and no chips if you please No chocolate, no ice cream, no meat
Oh they tell you to give up these goodies below and they promise you pie in the sky
Well semi - skimmed milk might diminish my bulk but I’ll take double cream till I die
Chorus:
Cholesterol, Cholesterol—My chance of surviving is small
The cream I consume that could lead to my doom But I love my cholesterol
Now it’s all right for you that smoke 40 a day or spend every night in a bar
You can tell the health visitor you’ll cut it down She’ll say ‘What a fine fellow you are’
But when I tell her I’d never smoked in my life and I was teetotal to boot
She said ‘Go away there is nothing to do you’ve no vices that you can cut out
Now I don’t mind them probing in my hemoglobin If it’s just for a case history
But it puts the health visitor into a tizzy it’s her duty to try and save me
She says ‘Fresh fruit and yogurt’s a lovely dessert Why don’t you give it a try
But I don’t give a hoot for a yogurt and fruit I’ll have Black Forest gateaux and die
Chorus:
Cholesterol, Cholesterol—My chance of surviving is small
The way that I dine ‘me is cause for angina But I love my cholesterol
your friend in Al's Pub, George
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