this one took a while to type, enjoy:
A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He staggers his way up to the bar and says, slurring his words:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the bartender. "You've had too much already."
The drunk spies a dart board behind the bar. "Hand me the darts" demands the drunk.
"Sure," says the bartender, hoping the guy would leave after the little game, he hands the drunk three darts.
Zot, zot, zot. The drunk throws three quick bull's eyes.
Well, the bartender had never seen anything like that before.
The drunk staggers back to the bar and asks, “Now can I have a drink?”
The bar tender replies “We don’t give drinks for bulls eyes in this bar pal”
The drunk became irritated by this reply, and tells the bartender “I’m not leaving until I get a prize for throwing 3 bulls eyes!”
Thinking quickly, the bartender spies a small pet turtle in a shoe box under the bar. The bartender had purchased the turtle for his daughter on his way to work that morning, but he reasons to himself, “if I give the drunk the turtle, maybe he’ll calm down, and I can always buy my daughter another turtle tomorrow”.
So the bartender pulls the shoe box out from under the counter and hands it to the drunk, telling him “You’re a lucky man, we award 2 prizes for 3 bulls eyes here, your first prize is in the box, and the second prize is a cab ride home”.
Satisfied with the bartender’s offer, the drunk takes the box, stuffs it under his arm, and staggers outside to wait for the cab.
Well, the next week, the same drunk returns to the bar. Again, he is hopelessly inebriated.
"Bartender," he says. "You wouldn’t give me a drink would ‘ya?"
"No, no," says the bartender. "You're too drunk already."
“Didn’t think so, hand me the darts barkeeper” announces the drunk.
The bartender thinks, "This guy can't be that lucky again. When he misses his throws that will shut him up."
"Sure, sure," says the bartender, handing the darts over to the drunk.
Bip, bip, bip. Three bull's eyes.
The drunk staggers back to the bar, hand outstretched, and announces “Bartender, my prize please, and I’ll be on my way!”
"I’m sorry pal," replies the bartender, “I’m not going to give you a drink, and I don’t have another turtle. How about if I call you a cab?”
"I know I can’t talk you into that drink bartender” says the drunk, “and I don’t want a turtle …”
“… I was hoping I could have another roast beef sandwich, on a hard roll, just like last week”
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