Funny stuff!
Marlin - do you do marriage counseling sessions on the side ?
Percy, Yes I Do!
I Consol and Guide Gorgeous Young Women through their Devorce.
I start with, "let's Meet For Drinks!"
...Now, I have to Move Out, TO My Own Apartment!
Brilliant!
One of my friends was drinking up to a pint a day of DOT4 brake fluid.
I told him I was concerned but he assured me he could stop any time he wanted ....!
...The best way to Clean a 'Toilet Bowl', To Scrub it Shiny Clean, Spic-n-Span!
Take Your Best Pet CAT, and Place It In The Bowl, Close the Lid Down and STAND on It!! Now Flush the Toilet! 2 or 3 Times, to get the Toilet Extra Clean!! The CAT will get Very Busy Scrubbing the Bowl Rim.
When Finished...Step-Off the Lid and the CAT will Immediately 'Excuse' itself from the Toilet and Run Outside To Celebrate...Having been of Great Service to Its' Human Master.
The CAT, Absolutely LOVES Doing This Job!!!
Signed,
The DOG
...A Tortice is Touring New York City. He takes a short-cut down a dark alley and is confronted by Three Snails, who Mug and Rob Him!
The Tortice Immediately goes to the Police Station to file a Report. The Investigating officer asks the Victim, "Can You tell me what happened, tell me what they looked Like??"
"I don't Know....It ALL happened So FAST!!"
😁😂😂😂😂😁😁
..."I Like My Women, as I Like My Flan!"
"Sweet, Giggly and Cheapest in Mexico!!"
...I just saw on the News that The Country of 'Iambadestan' has Just Developed a 'Hydrogen Bomb'.
Problem is, their Only 'Delivery System' is By OX-Cart.
...What was the VERY FIRST thing, Adam SAID to Eve??
...Better Stand WAY BACK! I Don't Know HOW BIG This THING's Going to Get!!
The wife kept screaming, “Give it to me! I’ve become so WET. Give it to me right now!”...but the husband refused to give-up his umbrella.
...What did the Elephant say to the Naked Man??
AHHH, That's Cute! But can you really Breath through that Thing??
...I was out ON the Golf Course the other Day, I Hit a Couple of Great Balls!
Ya, I Stepped on a Rake!!
You heard about the story where the guy’s wife was kidnapped, and the cops came by and told him to prepare for the worst?
And he said “Oh my God…. I gotta get all those clothes back???”
...A man goes to the Optometrist for a Eye Exam.
The Doctor tells him "You have a Cataract!"
He replies "NO! I have a 'Ringkin Continentrol'!"
...For Years I've been looking for My Wifes Killer...Just haven't Found anyone willing to take the Job!
...Many Priests were at a gathering, when three of them struck up the question..."How do you determine how to divide up the contributions of the 'Collection Plate', meaning, How much do you give For GOD, and how Much do You Keep??"
First: "I throw ALL the Money UP In the air...All That Lands on 'Heads', I Give For GOD, what Lands On 'Tails', I Keep".
Second: "I throw All the Money Up in the Air. All the Coins that Land and Stay on their Sides, I give For GOD, I Keep all the Rest".
Third: "I throw ALL the Money UP IN THE AIR...What STAYS IN THE AIR, I Give For GOD!"
You are going to offend all the priests on this forum that drive Panteras!
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: "Five beers, please."
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now!