Chapter 20 'Letters of Vietnam'

...way past 22:00 Hours, 'Lights Out'. Around Midnight. I could have been Reprimanded for Having the ONLY Light ON in the Entire Airbase! So Let's take a Picture. The Calander, everyday marked off. 99 Days to go make Me a '2 Digit Miget', also known as 'Short'! Actually a Soldier is considered 'Short', with Less than 30 Days to Go!

In the Photo, I am writing a Letter to a Girl back in Chicago, whom I have Never met. (Not the person in the Picture, that's just a Pin-up). Every 'Circled' day on the Calander, is a Day I received a Letter from Her. Some days, there were 2 and even 3 Letters waiting for me at 'Mail Call'. Most Days, there was Nothing.

It was not easy for me...being a 18 Year Old 'Virgin', bunking in the Barracks of a Door-Gunner/Crewchief Squadron. Some referred to me as 'Virgin Jack'!

All through School, I was not a Bad Looking Young Boy. In fact, I was quite Good Looking. I was Very Attracted to the Cute Girls, I Loved and fell in love with each and every one. ALL would just 'Look Through Me'! I was Shy, even though I grew up with 4 Sisters...I never learned 'How' to talk to Beautiful Girls.

If the Reader does Not believe in Love at first site, Or Lust. At that time referred to as 'Puppy Love'...then no need to read any further, Please!!

Even up to and through High School. I never had a 'Girlfriend'. Was it the R.O.T.C.? Never hugged a Girl, not my sister. Never Kissed a Girl. Never Held a Girl, sure wanted too. Kind of a hint as to why I needed Therapy, in later years. writing this Chapter is a Part of My Healing. Reason why I skipped over it, and at first was not going to write, as it will prove to be Most Humiliating. The Chapter will end with the deepest Heartbreak a young boy can take, and try to move on. As a Young Man, I was Never Broken just, Damaged.

...to be continued:

...We are at Ft. Eustis, Virginia. Graduation from the School of 'Rotary-Wing Aircraft Maintenace and Repairs'. I, and others, had Just received Orders...No surprise, we are going to Vietnam! Horah, No!

Standing second in line at the pay phone, a friend is having a argument with a girl and they have broken-up. He shows me a picture of her. She is Beautiful, and I can't help but Instantly Love Her. I tell him she's Gorgeous, He is frustrated and Hands me the Telephone, You talk to her. Her voice is so sweet. The conversation was short, just a hello, how are you, take care. He hands me the Picture along with her address. "Here You Write to Her". I reply "she's your Girl"...but, I slip the address into my shirt pocket.

Weeks Later, or was it a Month or two...Not having a Friend to write to, I remember, I had a Address, and the photo of this Sweet, Gorgeous young girl. I have nothing to lose, maybe a gain. I write to Her, a Letter, 'Throwing Fate to the Wind!'

Very short! "Why Didn't You Ever Write? Truely Yours, Marlin". well how could she, she never had My address! I made clear, my return address.

It Must have been a couple weeks Later, I receive a Letter from her..."well, what can I say?" and what she is doing in her life, briefly. She is a Sophomore in High School. I NEVER knew at the time, she was only 15. Born May 7th 1955. I learned later, as they say...she was '16 going on 21'. Very smartly educated, and writes with the Most Exquisite and perfect Calligraphy, Scripture!! Mature.

We were in. I was pretty fare in English and My Penmanship was decent. I was going to do whatever it took, anything and everything, to cause Her to WANT to be My Girl. Every Single one of My Letters to Her, started with:

'My Dearest Darling Kathleen'

'Hoaky' right?? I didn't think so, and neither did She. I was all of serious. And much Later, her Father once told me "You really know how to put feeling into Words". He was a second world war, Veteran. He 'Took Me Under his Wing'. He Told Me "You Met Your Maker". I replied, You were in Europe for 4 years, I barely served in Nam, 1 year. You were Heros, You saved the World!

Kathy would write about Her school and her part-time job as a phone operator at a 'Answering Service', and her interests and dreams. I remember her telling me "the Largest Yacht is NOT owned by a Docter or a Lawyer, it is owned by a Mortician!"

She said she was proud of me. when I wrote to Her about the people we had fed, who were Starving. The Villages we had saved and the troops. Never did I mention 'Blood and Gore'!! She was not to worry about what I had witnessed.

The months went by, Kathy was so Kind and caring. Her family Loved San Francisco. While I was in Nam, they Came out from Chicago to visit SF, and stopped into Oakland to Meet My Father and Step Mother. The parents took a Picture of her outside of My House, to send to me. Kathy wanted to see my Bedroom...in the Basement. She was Impressed with My Bed, off the floor, Mounted UP onto the Counter against the Wall. My Father Liked Her and commented "If I was 30 Years Younger..." He Loved girls too, the Old Fart.

December brought me into the CO's Office. "Your Mother is in the Hospital, Orders are being cut for 1 week Emergency Leave, pack a bag and report to the Airfield!" A Stop into the 'American Red Cross' gave me a few bucks cash. The loudest flight on a C-130, with a severe vibration, No Complaints here, got me to Saigon, Taun-si-nuit airbase and a Jet Airliner back to the World. Travis Air Force Base. I remember, I was Home for the Week of Christmas.

First thing back I go see My Mother. I was asked to remain in Uniform, for Mother was proud to have son, serve. Seeing Her was Not happy, I was Shocked to see My Mother as a 'Vegetable', Laying on a Gurney, in the Middle of the room, with dozens of other patients all around the room. My Mother, laying on her side, could barely Breathe more than puffs. She could not Blink. I will always be ashamed of Myself for I could not even Hug Her. I spoke with her, she was unable to recognize me as her son. A few days after I left back to Nam, she was Gone.

While staying at My Fathers' house, for the week, the Telephone rings. Step Mother, "Marlin, It's Kathy". She actually called Me. Her sweet Voice filled me with such joy, happiness. We talked for some time, she Made 'My Heart Sore Like a Hawk!'

I wanted to tell Her 'I Love You' but I feared that would 'Put her on the Spot'.

I was back at Oakland Army Base preparing to ship back to Nam. My Brother Roger, the Nam Vet Medic, had 3 Doctors sign-off on My Mothers condition in order to get me the emergency leave. GOD Bless You Roger. He insisted that I could stay in the states, be reassigned and have all of My Belongings packed up for me and sent home. I imagined what could happen to a Akai 10" Reel to Reel, 4 Cannel Tape Deck, packed up and shipped by people who don't care. NO it wasn't That. I Signed up for a Year in Vietnam, and would be GOD Damned, if I wasn't going to finish My Tour of Duty. Honor Dictating. And I needed to be 'Vetted' for Combat Zone Benefits, in Later Years.

Back in Nam the Letters continued, as Not interrupted. I sent Kathy a Photo of Me, standing in front of my home, in the exact place she was photographed.

I wrote to Her, On the Phone, I wanted to tell You That I LOVE You! Because 'I Believe I Love You', she wrote back, 'I Love You', and more. That Physical Attraction is natural, but not the only attraction. We Stepped-up the Letter writing.

Back to flying missions, now with distractions.

She confessed to having a Boyfriend. With 30 Days to ETS Expected time of arrival to the States. I get 'MY' Dear John Letter, 'my boyfriend convinced Me, that odds are, You may not make it back home!' I am Trapped in Vietnam, until the ARMY says I can go Home. July 8th,1971. She ends by writing "Maybe it's best if you don't come see Me". This guy had talked her into Burning all of My Letters.

I'am back home in July 1971. With all the Saved Money I had sent home, I Pay cash for 67 Mustang GTA Fastback with a 390 FE. A couple of friends had found waiting for me, on a Used car lot, in San Leandro. I believe I Paid $3500. For Her. She was a Spitting Image of the Bullet Mustang. Leaf Green, American Mags, 3 Speed Auto. No Side Lights. Driving Lights, and Overhead Console, and Fold-Down Back Seat! She was Powerful, ran Great and a Badass!

With 2 weeks Leave, before I had to report for Duty at Ft. Riley, Kansas. Fred, A Lieutenant of Mine from R.O.T.C., and I, drive down to Santa Monica to start our Road Trip on Route 66, all the way to Chicago, at the Highest Rate Of SPEED, with a few stops!. Destination, 1232 Springdale Lane, Elk Grove Village, ILL. 60007. That Address will Forever be Burned into My Brain!

I'am Going to First Introduce My True Self to Kathy. I'am going to Meet this 'boyfriend', and This Vietnam Veteran is Going to Take His Girl Back!!

...to be continued:

Yes! I was Young at 18. Some of us could have been called 'Children'. One of My Doorgunners was 15, he Lied about his age, and was of a Large Build. When bunking in the Crewchief Barracks, there was NO Hiding the Fact that I had Never 'Been with a Girl', Yet. Experienced Soldiers can just tell.

Our Barracks was full of Soldiers, mostly in their 20's to 30. Crewchiefs, Gunners. These were Hardened Men. On their second, even third tour of duty. Most had seen Combat, some had been wounded and didn't want to Go Home. Some wanted More Combat. As General Patton was Quoted, "Americans Love a Fight! They Love the Sting of Battle'. I guessed, to some, it may be addicting.

As in the course of My Tour, I was Never Bullied, I was, a few times, made the offer of "we're going to take you with us, 'Downtown', and Get You Laid!" Get Your 'Cherry Busted' 'Virgin Jack'. I would smile and decline, I would tell them, No, I have a Girl waiting for Me Back Home. I thought to Myself I want Kathy and I, to Learn about Love, Together. The offers to be taken 'Downtown', subsided.

Fred and I arrive at Springdale Lane, in the middle of the afternoon. We pull up in front of their home, in that badass Mustang GTA, complete with 'Lake Sidepipes'. Kathys' parents are already outside to greet us. We had called ahead, a few days, to ask if it was OK for us to Visit. Marjorie and Marcel were All Smiles, very kind and greeting. I think they were impressed that I had told Kathy the truth about how Tall I was.

Kathy was at her Job, in downtown Chicago. Fred remained at the house with Kathys Mom, while Her Dad and I drove down to pick Kathy up at the end of her work shift.

We arrive, just as Kathy exits her building. and was waiting for us. She knew I would be there. At first Sight...She was So Beautiful, Gorgeous. Yes! She Took My Breath Away!! Her Father stayed in the car, as I exited, confidently walked up to Kathy, we Both Hugged in the Softest Most Loving way, and held. We did not kiss. I believe I said..."It's been a Long Time Babi, I never want to let you go", She was so well dressed, well educated, Mature for her age of 16, she Smelled so good. Her Voice was like a Song from Heaven. She was Exciting! My Thoughts, So this is the Girl who is going to teach Me, how to 'Make Love' to a Women! At the age of 19. I Learned Later, She was Experienced of Carnal Knowledge. And I?, Had read Everything I could possibly get My hands on, about the Subject!! Everything!

Kathy says "Welcome Home Soldier", with a Sparkling Twinkle in Her Eyes. I got lost in her eyes. I later called her 'Liquid Brown Eyes'. She Immediately, liked Me. She Approved.

MJ, Nam had to suck!  I think very man has had a "Dear John Letter" of some kind.  I know I did.  Can't wait for the end of the story / Chapter.  You look very young in the picture.  As they say, we send our "Boys" off to war and if they come back, they are men with scars.  God Bless you and your service to this country. Larry

[I had a dream last night. I Thought it was Very Real. A RAT was sniffing at My Face, and then Cuddled Up to me, as if Like a Pet. I Cuddled it and petted it. It's fur was Silky Smooth...then I woke Up!]

...But this dream reminded Me of the Night, back in Vietnam, as in the Picture, when I was writing the Letter. I happened to glance over to the other side of the barracks isle. In the Pitch Blackness, in the glint of my only light, I caught movement. It was a Very Large Rat, climbing into the slightly Open door of a comrades' wall locker. There must have been Food left in there, as many do. The barracks was unusually silent, No Radio Playing, Not even One of the 30 Plus soldiers, were Snoring. Curious, so Silent. I was Not going to Raise a ruckus over a hungry Rat! I went back to writing my letter. Have a Nice Snack, Rat! That's not the end of it. I had gone to bed all lights out, pitch darkness, I was asleep and then awakened...there was the heavy weight of a Creature, on top of the Blanket at My Feet! I did Not look, it was too dark, I know it was NOT our dog, 'Buckandhalf'. Not caring, I fell Back Asleep. I think it was that Large Rat, enjoying my Oscillating Fan. We'll Never Know, by the Morning, It was Gone!

Back to Chicago...

I Long hug, a gorgeous body, she held it against me! Her perfume was 'Windsong'. Our first kiss would come later. I Loved Her, so very much.

We both went to her fathers car, we sat inside, together, as her father, was at the sidewalk, seemed to be confronting, who I learned later was her, present boyfriend. Or, 'want to be', boyfriend. We couldn't hear the conversation, but her fathers' body language was such, that I caught the vibe, he didn't Like this boy very much. As In, Kathys' friend is home, You will give them the time to be together. Or 'words to that effect'. Kathy asked something as, you should go do something?? I said, your father seems to be handling things, just fine. I knew, I was going to be getting into other peoples' business.

That night Kathy and I went on our first 'Date', but only if Fred came along, in that 390 Mustang. Only proper, they didn't know me, that well, yet.

We parked along the water, near downtown Chicago. I asked Fred to stay in the car. In the darkness, lit by lights across the way, we sat on the grassy Slope and Made-Out. My first kiss. She was so Experienced! Our kisses turned each other inside-out. She jokingly, said, "You kiss with your teeth"...I said, "I need more Practice". I explored her body, she said No! We finished our last kiss, for that time, and returned to the car. She said..."Next Time Try Harder!".

Fred and I stayed that night in our hotel room. Next couple of nights we stayed with Kathys family. Fred and I left for Home and finished our 'Route 66' Journey. Had a Bad tire in Wendover Utah, got home with a Tire from a salvage yard. Then, Fred told me, he knew it had a Blister protruding from the sidewall! He didn't want me to have to worry about it. Right after that, we stopped to check the Air. The attendant observed, "there's a nail in that tire", I looked, it was more like a Spike, I said Don't pull it out. We were close to home, and I was Broke! We Made it Home!

Driving back East to Fort Riley Kansas! After a detour up to Chicago for a Short visit with Kathy, I report for duty to finish the 13 Months of my 3 year enlistment. Must have been August-September 1971. It was rough, very rough. There were, a few Soldiers there, that had Fought in Vietnam. ALL OTHERS, were never sent over. They were a Class by themselves. A Disrespectful Class.

A Vietnam Crewchief/Doorgunner gets assigned to the 138th Eng. Grp. as a 'Personnel Records Clerk'!! But, there is twist to this story. The Soldier that runs to 'Mimeograph' Machine, is ending his Enlistment in a Week, earning his Honorable Discharge. I was chosen, and now in one weeks Training, on how to set-up and operate said Machine. I learned fast. And I learned how to print Perfect copies, both sides, and Inverted. I was the Only person in this fort who could run this Mimeograph!!

The Kicker is, Nobody signs in, nobody signs out, gets promoted, disciplined, discharged, transferred and all other...or even, 'FART', UNTIL Marlin prints off their Orders! That's Power, huh!? The Downside was, No Days Off, Many, countless 'All Knighters'

EVERY chance I could get, I was headed for Chicago. It cost Me 4 'Article 15s'. For Awol, Missing assigned duties on the roster, late for Monday morning formation, and so much more. Like the shrink, in later years, said..."Has a Problem with Athourity". 2 Times I hitch-hiked the 1200 miles, took all night, for a 4-5 hour visit. I was picked up by everything from the back of a Harley Davidson to a Semi Truck. The other 4 or 5 times I drove that Badass 67 Mustang up all the way to Chicago and back to Junction City. Before, all the time, I Blew-Up the C-4, fixed the Dropped Lifter, Broken radiator (From being hooked up and dragged out of ditch by a 'helper') and replacing the ripped-out Power Steering Hose...on My Back in the Ice and Snow! Bad Battery, Bad Starter Motor and frozen cylinders in the Dead of Winter!

Can't forget Countless times of running out fuel (running on empty-middle of nowhere!) and Trading a full case of Castro GTX for a Tank Load...or Hiding in the Parked Mustang as a Cop cruises past in the Darkened Alley while a partner lies Under a  car 25 feet away, with a Gas Can, stealing Gasoline from the ripped off gas line. I whispered "Don't Move". I saw the cruiser turn into the alley, another Soldier and I, Hunkered Down Low in our seats as the Cop cruised Slowly By. Eather, He didn't see us, didn't want a confutation in the Middle of the night, or it was just one of the Most lucky times in the life of Marlin Jack. He craws out from under the car with the gas can, and we are GONE!! Back on the Highway. After adding 2 Gallons of fuel, just enough to make Chi Town!

When I was in Chicago, Kathy and I were inseparable. That was after we first had separated a short while, so she could gather her thoughts and assess her situation. After all I was 19 and she was only 16...when she decided what she wanted. She contacted Me in Kansas. I had consoled myself to the fact, that she had made up her mind to change to directions that did Not include Me. After all she was a Brilliant Student and had already been Accepted to 3 different University's. So she Said. I Believed her.

She called Me over the Fort Telephone. I was summoned by a clerk with the Seargent in charge of the office in the night. When I get there, the young man had been shmoozing with her for some time. My Time! He hands me the phone, with a look of 'Oh, It's You!'...Hi Babi, how are you? "When are you coming up to see Me", I'm already on My way!

Kathy new her way all around Chicago. As I said, we were Inseparable!! She took me to many 'Famous' places, she knew lots of people from her working as a operator for an answering service. She was impressed with the GTA Fastback, she Loved it, the Power of Blowing Nearly everything on the Road, into the weeds! We drove it all over. We even went to the 'Under-Ground', under city 'Catacombs', I thought of it. Desolate, Dark, Dangerous, a Gang hangout, Spooky! In the winter we went to Lake Superior and watched the thick ice, blown by the Wind Crash up over the shore towards us. A very scary sound, the chunks of ice the size of houses, sounded like a freight train crashing.

One Night Kathy asked  Me to be sure and wear My Uniform, she was taking Me to a Very High Class Restaurant owned by acquaintances of Hers. They wanted to Honour Me by providing a complimentary Dinner to a Vietnam Veteran. The Dinner was Very Nice! We were seated at a Table in the middle of the dining room. The Restaurant was full. We were surrounded by Dozens of Fine people, Enjoying Our Company. From slight Glances, I felt respected, admired, I was safe among Friends. I had represented our Nation!

Kathys Mother once said to me, with much approval...When ever You come and see Kathy, a 'Sparkle' returns to her Eyes, with a Smile.

Her Father, the WW II Vet, would give money to me, he called it 'Walking Around money'. In later months, I would use it to rent a Hotel room, when I would visit. On one special occasion Kathy Seduced Me! Finally we Made Love. She thought that was odd, 'Making Love' as My Father always described it. It was Glorious! So much Passion. She taught me how to Please a women. I had only 'read' what I could get my hands on, about it. She was experienced. I kind'a had the right Idea! I couldn't get enough of this Girl! This was just the Beginning!

That first night I arrived back to the barracks, after my Flight to Kansas city and taxi to ft riley. It was late into the night, soldiers were all asleep...I Thought. I'm at my locker, when a friend, in the far corner of the upstairs, asks the question I had heard many times..."Did You Get IT?" my only reply, "yes!".

Instantly, and surprising...the Entire Barracks Erupted into Cheers!! (Finally, Marlin got Some!)

The were a few more visits the Love was sent from Heaven. A special occasion, I purchased a Ring from a Jewelry Store in Junction city. I had only $99.00 the Old Man sold me a Ring with 2 Pearls on top.

Kathy was 17 and I at 20, got down on My knees, on the front porch, and proposed to Her. I Love You, I want to spend the rest of My Life with You, will You Marry Me? Without hesitation, "Yes!"

After Kathy conversing with her parents, her Mother Marjory, tells Me, Marce wants to take a drive with you, and talk. I walk outside, he's in his car the engine is running, we're driving. Marce was Not Upset and was calm. The conversation went like this...

"You wish to Marry My Daughter, you didn't ask Me for 'Her Hand in Marriage!" I apologized for being disrespectful to Him and His wife. "I have No Doubts That You Love Kathy". "You and Kathy have been having Sex?" "Yes" "Are You using 'Birth Control" "No"..."Why Not??"

"Because I WANT Kathy to Have Our Baby!" He kind of had a look on his face, as 'an Opportunity for Kathy to have found a 'Decent' Husband, and I, a Grandchild'. I was Never going to Lie to this Man!

"How did You afford a Hotel Room?" "The 'Walking Around Money' You Gave Me!" did I see a Smile of pride on His Face?

Kathys Parents set an Appointment down at the Cook County Courthouse, for Kathy and I to file for a Marriage License. Since she was under age, they had to sign off on it. And since I was only 20...I needed to provide a Signed and Notarized Note from My Father, Granting His Permission for Me to Marry!

We were Married in Kathys, Favorite 'Cute Cottage' Church, on get this, September 11th, 1972.

I had nothing to wear. Kathy Insisted I wear My Green Uniform. As I first came into View, most of the attending audience Gasped. Must have been the RED ascot I was wearing In Church!? Representing the Engineer Grp.

At the Reception Dinner, a Smart-Alic girlfriend, asks Kathy, "When's the Baby Due??" "There's No Baby, Yet"

Fred flew out from Oakland, just to be My Best Man. He passed away in 2011. GOD Bless.